things i think about
Been thinking a lot lately about personal values and how they play into interpersonal communication and fostering peace and positive change.
It is important to recognize your deepest desires and why you do what you do. But, more important, you must remember that your strongest personal values are not the same as everyone else’s.
Be cautious of urging other people to live by your personal values (because they are exactly that - personal). Be wary of judging someone who may seem to fall short according to your standards, when in reality, that person may surpass you in another area that he/she values more.
What does this mean?
If you are a goal-setting go-getter because you value achievement, be cautious of viewing a more laid-back person as a “slacker.” This person may find more fulfillment in building quality relationships. And before you judge someone for being a “workaholic,” remember that such drive is what pushes the world forward.
If you value logic, be careful not to dismiss those who are influenced by their emotions as “irrational.” These people are often more compassionate. On the other hand, understand that emotion often clouds judgment and logical people can make sensible, unbiased decisions.
If you value security, be careful not to judge someone who values adventure for being “impractical.” Taking risks to pursue your passions require courage and gumption. And if you’re a spontaneous passion-chaser, accept that some prefer stability.
Wishing for others to live by your values creates frustration in yourself and resentment in others. It pushes people away based on differences, when you could so easily connect over what you share (there’s always something).
Instead, respect others’ personal values. Respect what matters to others, even if it doesn’t matter to you. Respect others’ opinions, even if you disagree. Respect others’ decisions, even if you’d have done the opposite.
It’s all too easy to judge what you don’t understand - most people do. But when you remember that everyone is coming from a place of personal values, you don’t even have to understand - just respect. Everyone is happier when they are encouraged for who they are, not when they are encouraged to change - and don’t we all just want to be happy?
